The Pinnacle Moment
If you had to think of a pinnacle moment with the C.E.O.S. in your life, what does that look like?
Does it center around an act of kindness that was fueled by previously voicing a need? Providing a spectacular purchasing process because you answered all of the customer’s questions? Or simply, being affirmed by a team leader for a job well done?
Through each of these experiences, the space to have a conversation was created.
The Pinnacle Question
Celeste Headlee, award-winning journalist, professional speaker and best-selling author of We Need To Talk: How To Have Conversations That Matter, is notorious for creating these spaces with people and raises an important question in 2016 that is still relevant today.
“Is there any 21st century skill more important than being able to sustain coherent, confident conversation?”
To put it simply, no.
Headlee believes that in order to hone this skill people need to engage in “honesty, brevity, clarity and a healthy amount of listening.”
Yet, sadly, this skill has been greatly inhibited by a highly polarized culture. One that is constantly driven by the need to speak with the intent to be heard instead of speaking with the intent to listen.
This egotistic intent, where the focus is on oneself instead of others, has created an unbalance that Headlee hopes to restore to balance.
“A conversation requires a balance between talking and listening, and somewhere along the way, we lost that balance.”
This unbalanced, polarized culture is fueled by the most trivial of issues from politics to entertainment. Nowadays people are so passionate for or against a side that the idea of compromise has become pointless to them.
“Pew Research did a study of 10,000 American adults, and they found that at this moment, we are more polarized, we are more divided, than we ever have been in history.”
Although this study seems daunting and irrevocable, Headlee’s decades of professional speaking experience allowed her to create a framework that will help renew the balance and bring people back to the roots of speaking with the intent to listen.
Headlee’s 10 ways to have a better conversation:
1: Don’t multitask. Be present.
2: Don’t pontificate. Enter each conversation with the assumption that you have something to learn.
3: Use open-ended questions. Find out the five W’s: Who? What? Where? When? Why?
4: Go with the flow.
5: If you don’t know, say that you don’t know.
6: Don’t equate your experience with the other person’s experience. All experiences are individual.
7: Try not to repeat yourself.
8: Stay out of the weeds. Focus on the root of the story not the trivial points.
9: Listen.
10: Be brief.
Although 10 rules seems like a lot to remember, Headlee states that if a person takes the time to master even one of these rules that they will be skilled enough to create a space to enjoy better conversations with coworkers, friends, and team members.
Conclusion
Whether you use one or more of these rules, Headlee’s TED Talk boils down to this, “Go out, talk to people, listen to people, and, most importantly, be prepared to be amazed.”
I am truly amazed each day by the people in my life and grateful for the conversations that have made me into the person I am today.
My hope for you, is that this framework will help you flourish in your day to day conversations with the C.E.O.S. in your life and encourage growth in your soft skills.
Go out and do great things!
Bio on Headlee
Celeste Headlee, the speaker of this TED Talk, “10 ways to have a better conversation,” has over 20 million total views to date. Celeste’s work and insights are featured on TODAY, Psychology Today, Inc., NPR, Time, Essence, Elle, BuzzFeed, Salon, Parade, and many more. She has presented to over 100 companies, conferences and universities including Apple, Google, United Airlines, Duke University, Chobani and ESPN, and received the 2019 Media Changemaker Award, (celesteheadlee.com).